i tried so hard not to reblog this but in the end i lost to the fabulous
(via laughbitches)
“dad i got accepted into harvard!!”
“son im very disappointed in u. i did not raise u to be such a nerd”
(via laughbitches)
(via laughbitches)
Today while at work a guy came in and brought 10 dozen eggs. After I gave him his change and the last bag of eggs he looked at me with the most serious expression ever and said “eggcellent” before walking away and I swear in that moment I had never been happier to sell a man eggs
(via hotguysandpizza)
(via hotguysandpizza)
now taking applications for my gang, please have your mum sign your permission slip and return it in by next wednesday
(via pizza)
“911 whats your emergency?” hi i need to report a kidnapping. my son is taking a nap in his room right now.
(via hotguysandpizza)
- Beethoven: ARE YOU READY TO HEAR SOME SYMPHONIES?!
- Audience: *cheers*
- Beethoven: I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!
(via maehgan)
so I was forced to go to church and all these babies were screaming and I said “we wouldn’t be having this problem if the church supported abortion” and the guy next to me almost had a heart attack
(via pizza)
